My official prediction is Baltimore beating San Francisco by 10 points. I said it on the More Than a Fan Podcast, on The Gary Snyder Show and all over Twitter. Since this is a game diary, I thought I’d get that out of the way early. I’ll know if I’m right in about five hours. You’ll know if I’m right the moment you finished that sentence.
It’s about 5:30 pm EST here, and I’m just settling into the living room with my Great Lakes Brewing Company Conway’s Irish Ale to spend the evening watching football and writing this diary.
A few things to get to before the game starts. First; XLVII is the Roman Numeral equivalent to 47 in good old American terms. Forty-seven is also the number of times that we’re going to see Jack Harbaugh on CBS during the game tonight. I was hoping for the under, but the Parents Harbaugh are on the pregame show right now. I’m so happy that CBS is making me wish the Ray Lewis segment hadn’t ended.
(Honestly, I’m flipping back and forth between the pregame and Phil Mickelson winning the Waste Management Phoenix Open)
(OH LOOK. Clay Matthews is on TV. My fiance is officially back in the room. It’s easy to think Clay Matthews is super cute if you watch a lot of Ellen.)
— Ryan (@Isley23) February 3, 2013
Second; this is the second year in a row that I didn’t go partying so I could do some fun stuff on More Than a Fan. I don’t need any super special recognition about some big, magnanimous sacrifice I’m making for readers, I’m just letting you know that I’ll be having my own little party… that includes the distinct possibility that I’ll be leaning on spell check pretty hard by the fourth quarter.
The Colin Kaepernick segment is almost over right now. I talked about how much I thought Harbaugh West made a bad decision switching quarterbacks, but Kaepernick has proved me wrong. The kid can ball. He is also going to get broken in half at some point tonight – or early next season – by some headhunting linebacker who gets really sick of that bicep kiss he does. Related; the Ravens have a defense filled with guys who will take a 15-yard penalty to knock a little bit of that arrogance out of the young kid.
That’s no guarantee, but THERE’S A YETI ON THAT WHEAT THINS COMMERCIAL! Guess what I just added to next week’s grocery list.
You’re DAMN right CBS. There’s no way y0u don’t end that We Will Rock You segment without closing with Joe Namath’s iconic raised finger after Super Bowl III.
There is actually a football game at the end of this god awful baroque spectacle, my friends. I promise you that.
— Terry Corcoran (@CorcoranNYC) February 3, 2013
At least they’re finally announcing the teams. Sheesh. Also, in case you need it: Baroque. (I won’t tell if you need the dictionary)
The Ravens have been looking for a way to “legally hit the quarterback” per sideline guy Solomon Wilcots. I’m pretty sure Baltimore’s definition of legally and the NFL’s definition probably differ just a little bit.
Hey, it’s almost time for the National Anthem. Have some respect for the flag, our country and the men and women who have done things we only read about in the paper to preserve our right to eat wings and get hammered tonight. Thank you.
That’s why America is a great country.
— Sean (@TheKardiacKid) February 3, 2013
That dude can sing. #SuperBowl
— Ezzy (@EzzyRJ) February 3, 2013
Ed Reed almost looks homeless.
— Ꭲhe Ꮤright3ous Ꭷne (@WRIGHT3OUS) February 3, 2013
I’m glad I’m not a a big party, or else everyone would have seen me get chills at the Sandy Hook Elementary School Choir. Also, Ed Reed does sort of look homeless.
— Chris Barron (@ChrisRBarron) February 3, 2013
That’s the second tweet from one of the More Than a Fan family BEFORE KICKOFF alluding to the fact that I like beer. I guess I’ll go get my second.
I’M SO EXCITED!
Touchback. Of course, because these kickoff rules are terrible.
The 49ers start the game with a huge penalty, a run for no gain, a broken play and then a three yard run. Look out, guys. Good field position for Baltimore. Let’s see that long pass to Torrey Smith here.
So it wasn’t a long pass. It was a dump off to the fullback. Makes me want the Browns to draft a fullback early next year.
I could see flacco throwing for 5 Tds and ray Lewis winning game MVP with 3 tackles
— Aaron(@aaronm59) February 3, 2013
Right after Flacco’s first touchdown.
The first Super Bowl commercial is for Budweiser’s new, fancy beer. I’ll concentrate on the bad ass Audi commercial instead.
Commercials. I hate this already.
Okay, so the Hyundai commercial is better than the Audi commercial. But I think the Doritos goat could beat those Hyundai kids in a football game.
#brandbowl Who thought Go Daddy ads could get worse than before? Me.
— tobe berkovitz (@tobetv) February 3, 2013
Game on! It’s safe to go to the bathroom.
I feel man love for Vernon Davis.
— Indiana Jones (@theMVJ) February 3, 2013
As a guy who drafted him in fantasy football his rookie season, I agree with @theMJV.
WOW! Ravens defense stiffens when it counts! (I know what you’re thinking. I’m pretty much inviting you to take screen shots of this and tag them with #TWSS)
Worst sack celebration ever.. #ConductorsDontPlayFootball
— Mike Brenkus (@cre8ive_juice) February 3, 2013
But they’re tough? 49ers field goal. Baltimore keeps the lead.
Amy Poehler is the best. I bet she’d make these Budweiser Black Crown commercials watchable.
Commercial. I still hate this.
Okay. I laughed out loud at the Oreo commercial. Maybe I follow too many librarians on twitter.
That broken play, long completion to Anquan Boldin against Chris Culliver is wonderful if you take Culliver’s media week comments into account.
The food has arrived, so I’ll be quieter for a few.
Okay. I laughed out loud at the Fast and Furious 6 commercial, too.
Ed Reed is back on the field. There’s also a deer missing from the New Orleans Zoo.
Frank Gore just picks up a first down on second and one. Terrell Suggs needs to attack the hand-off, not the quarterback.
BEFORE THE REPLAY: That’s a fumble. Ravens defense with a big play.
Calvin Klein hitting us with those mostly naked guys doesn’t really understand the fat guy demographic. Even the in shape guys are eating wings and pizza rolls at this point.
AFTER THE REPLAY: Yep. Baltimore ball.
Speaking of pizza rolls, I’m going to grab beer #3 while I’m grabbing more.
Not that this is any one guy’s fault, but…
Donte Whitner has had better days.
— Gregg Doyel (@GreggDoyelCBS) February 4, 2013
Whitner getting blown up.
— Robb Mac(@TheeRobMac) February 4, 2013
Whitner still struggling.
— – (@matthewjmcguire) February 4, 2013
Whitner is having a rough night.
— Kayla (@YesImKayla) February 4, 2013
Ravens up 14-3.
I HATE THIS.
CAAAAAAN YOU SMEEEEEEELLLLLLLLL (weird tongue thing) THE ROOOOOOCK’SSSSSSS MILK?
Did you guys know that Joe Montana wears Skechers? He sure does. And I’m an NFL quarterback.
Colin Kaepernick makes a HUGE mistake to Ed Reed and then all Hell breaks loose. If these guys don’t calm down a little bit, Beyonce is going to slip on blood while she’s dancing during the halftime show.
They may need to eject someone to get this game under control.
— ProFootballTalk (@ProFootballTalk) February 4, 2013
I may need to eject from this seat and get some more pizza rolls.
The thing that Baltimore has that Atlanta didn’t is Ray Rice. Pocket Hercules just picked up another big first down. This drive is looking like the Ravens will add to their lead.
WOW! What a stupid call by Harbaugh East. We saw what chasing points did to Pete Carroll, let’s see what happens tonight.
Not seeing your face on my feed right now is weirding me out @railbirdj
— ashley pesata(@ashleypesata) February 4, 2013
So, maybe I tweet TOO much. (That’s our wedding photographer, who’s totally awesome, by the way) Anyway, the Ravens have to take the points there. Maybe on 4th and 2, but not 4th and 9. Baltimore defense has to be huge now.
Roger goodell was suspending that little girl for 4 games.
— Joshua Womack (@JoshuaWomack82) February 4, 2013
Kaepernick is playing like a new guy. I said earlier that the kid can ball, but maybe expecting a Super Bowl victory was just a bit much.
There are showgirls in this Coca-Cola commercial. Okay, I’ll watch.
Newsflash to Subway fans: Jared also kept his weight off for 15 years because he got spectacularly rich from his commercials and could afford to hire a nutritionist and have plenty of time to work out. Let’s be real.
Okay, so the Ravens defense helped justify that failed fake field goal attempt, but let’s not gloss over the fact that it was still a dumb call.
Every one of the old people in that Taco Bell commercial are my hero.
JACOBY JONES! What a huge catch and run to make the score 21-3 Baltimore. Looks like I was right about the Ravens getting out to a big lead. I’ll celebrate by cracking beer #4.
Let’s see if I’m right about the second half and using Ray Rice to speed up the clock on the 49ers a little bit.
WAIT! It’s not another commerical! It’s a replay of the touchdown! I’m so excited!
— Ryan (@Isley23) February 4, 2013
Don’t worry. I didn’t hurt myself patting my own back.
Ray Lewis officially picked up a sack on that failed third down conversion by San Francisco. Look for that sack to be part of his game MVP resume. Look, the 49ers not picking up a touch down there is big. I don’t care what anyone says, a 21-6 halftime deficit is a big deal in a normal game, and it’s even bigger in the Super Bowl.
I’m about to relax and watch Beyonce be awesome. You guys can live without me for a half hour.
Smitty should at least get the shoulder loose. If I’m JiHarbs, Kaepernick is on a short second-half leash, because I’ve got a game to win.
— Dennis Manoloff (@dmansworldpd) February 4, 2013
Sorry, people won’t drink apple ale. Sounds like Zima with an apple Jolly Rancher dropped inside. #drinkfail
— Mark Zinni (@MarkZinni) February 4, 2013
This one is important:
For those reading that Muhammad Ali is near death, family tells Louisville Courier Journal Ali is fine, watching SB cjky.it/YNAiRk
— Rachel Nichols (@Rachel__Nichols) February 4, 2013
I would cry with you:
My second half prediction:
I loved the Beyonce halftime show. I said it. Now leave me alone while I watch this Oprah Jeep commercial. “When you’re home, WE are a nation.” YOU’RE DAMN RIGHT OPRAH.
I’ve never seen Two Broke Girls, but that ridiculous commercial was hilarious. (And I have a closet crush on Zoey Deschanel)
I’m on beer #5. I’m not going to lie, I’m HOLY JACOBY JONES! Scroll up a little bit and you’ll see my prediction that the Ravens will score right after hafltime. HOLY CRAP. At this point 49ers fans are clamoring for Alex Smith and tons of people have called this game for Baltimore. I’m not giving up yet. (Pretty much because I want to drink two more beers)
“I kind of feel bad for the 49ers. Every time I look up all I see is replays of the Ravens killing them.” ~ My fiance, right before the Superdome lights went out. What? The lights went out? WHAT THE HELL IS HAPPENING? Eh, at least we can watch some cool commercials.
The E-Trade baby is back. We can tell these are fake because this kid should be in high school by now
This would never happen at First Energy Stadium the home of the Cleveland Browns. — ActivDefiance (@ActivDefiance) February 4, 2013
When the lights come back on, Jim Harbaugh will be standing next to John Harbaugh with a Ravens jacket on, NWO style. — Art Stapleton (@art_stapleton) February 4, 2013
Jeez. I can’t keep up with all of the funny tweets about the power outage. There are just too many of them. I’ve been trying to read tweets for the last half hour, and I quite literally cannot. At least there’s plenty of time for bathroom breaks while these CBS guys are talking themselves into the ground.
Okay, back to football. The only reason that I’m angry about the blackout is that it’s going to delay my bedtime an extra 45 minutes. It’s a CBS conspiracy to force me to watch more commercials. The blackout didn’t help the 49ers on the drive, but it helped my eat the rest of the pizza rolls. My diet is angry at CBS, too.
Holy crap. The constant barrage of the same four jokes about the power outage might actually force me to close twitter. Thankfully, I have this Subway blooper’s commercial to tide me over until the third Bud Light/Stevie Wonder commercial can air. Yay.
Presented without comment:
HUGE touchdown pass from Kaepernick to Michael Crabtree. Still leaves San Francisco with a 15 point deficit. They need to turn the Ravens over here and make a game out of this.
If the Ravens can make good use of Ray Rice, that touchdown might not mean much.
I thought Psy was gone. Damnit.
Wow. The 49ers defense stepped up huge on that series. Now Baltimore has to punt to a San Francisco team with a ton of momentum. I bet the game is fixed.
There it is. That’s the touchdown that really makes this a tense Super Bowl. Now the 49ers are only down eight, 28-20. Now we see what Baltimore is made of.
Women who look like that probably aren’t waiting for you to hit on them in laundromats.
Ray Rice commits a huge mistake on that fumble, and Cleveland Twitter goes crazy. So many Clevelanders hate the Ravens because of what Art Model did to them in 1995. I don’t. I hate the Ravens because they’re division rivals, but not because of 1995. I don’t still hate the girl I thought I was in love with back then, or my friends back then who I don’t talk to anymore. The Ravens, in my mind, are no different than the Bengals or the Steelers.
You don’t have to agree with me, and I’m certainly not using this platform to put anyone down, but that’s how I see the Ravens.
David Akers missed a field goal before he got to make a field goal. That’s probably the most David Akers thing ever. Until he misses another field goal later.
Finally. The Leon Sandcastle commercial is fantastic. I probably only said that because I’m on beer #something.
God made a farmer. Whether you’re religious or you just appreciate the skeleton that this country has been built upon, that’s a great Dodge commercial.
Oh my, Baltimore. First you wilt from the two yard line, then you give up a touchdown drive? Stopping that two point conversion barely makes up for this collapse. On the bright side, David Akers is bound to miss another field goal.
The Ravens HAVE to score here with 9:30 left to play in the game, but it’s not looking good.
“I don’t like how long the Ravens quarterback holds the ball. It makes me nervous.” ~ My fiance. Sometimes I think she knows more about football than she lets on.
Huge first down catch by Anquan Boldin. Wow. And then Ray Rice with a 13 yard rush. Maybe I’m smarter than I look.
HOW IS JIM HARBAUGH WHINING ABOUT THAT OFFSIDES CALL? Either way, Ravens settle for a field goal. But that’s not enough. A five point lead probably isn’t safe here.
I’m a huge fan of the Rolling Stones, so that Sympathy for the Devil commercial scores high for me.
Pivotal 49ers drive starting right now. Frank Gore gains seven yards on a read option and I’M GETTING SICK OF THE RAVENS NOT ATTACKING THE HAND OFF. I think maybe Baltimore is too jacked up to hit Kaepernick.
Vernon Davis wishes he was Anquan Boldin on the incompletion. So close to winning this game for the 49ers, but it doesn’t matter after Michael Crabtree makes a big first down catch.
Holy crap. So Frank Gore picks up another 30 yards on a read-option hand-off that the Ravens didn’t attack. When the pistol read-option offense gets “figured out” next season and the key is to have the linebackers attack the hand-off, remember this.
Check it out. Paul Rudd is playing himself in this Samsung commercial.
— Ryan (@Isley23) February 4, 2013
That’s close to ballgame here. I’m close to being pretty elated over being right about the Ravens, even though my point differential is off by five. Now I’m just waiting for some more good commercials and a couple of much needed bottles of water before bed.
Another wow. Taking a safety is another big Harbaugh call. At this point, I’m not sure which Harbaugh has made the most gutsy calls, but those Harbaughs sure are gutsy!
THE RAVENS WIN!
Being right is pretty cool.
By my count, there weren’t that many funny commercials and I’m not looking forward to Ray Lewis crying on camera for the next hour, but getting this right makes up for a couple of rough regular season picks weeks. That’s 3,132 words of nonsense, plus a bunch of tweets. It’s about time I go to bed.